Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes —accurately or not— that they have violated a moral standard, and bear sole responsibility for that violation.[1] It is closely related to the concept of remorse.
I have been feeling this a lot lately. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and its crushing me. My mind won't stop and I really want it to. Then I think maybe, if I put my feelings out there and get it off my chest, I'll feel better. I want to focus on the things I have to be thankful for. And I have so much to be thankful for! Here it goes:
I feel guilty for leaving Ian 5 days a week.
I feel guilty for having a college degree (an expensive one, that I will pay for every month even after Ian is in college) and wanting to stay home and raise children.
I feel guilty for wishing Dan made more money so that I could stay home.
I feel guilty spending any money on myself when I know we as a family are trying to keep ends meet.
I feel guilty for watching TV after Ian goes to bed and not cleaning or working out.
I feel guilty for realizing that I would probably miss working, if in fact I did stay home.
I feel guilty for not being a better wife.I feel guilty for not loving my "after baby body", so that I can be a better wife.
I feel guilty for always focusing on what Dan didn't do, instead of what he did do.
I feel guilty for not being a better friend.
I feel guilty for being so, so very tired. I am exhausted - emotionally and physically.
I feel guilty for feeling guilty.
I feel guilty for wanting more.
I feel guilty for sleeping on Sundays, instead of taking my family to church.
I feel guilty for bearing so much weight, but not being able to let Dan share in my burden.
I feel guilty for feeling burdened by my household roles.I feel guilty for for posting this.
I feel guilty for not just being thankful.
There I said it, and you know sometimes it does feel good to get it off your chest!
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Guilt happens! It even happens to me and I'm not even a Mom yet...it's a weird emotion that's for sure!! But yes you are right, sometimes it is good to get it off of your chest. Also remember that even though you are a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a teacher, etc. You are YOU first...and that's what matters. Make sure you take time for you and maybe it will help some of the guilt go away because you know that you are taking the time for you so you can be a better Mom, wife, friend, teacher, daughter, etc. LOVE AND MISS....Jessica
ReplyDeletethanks Jess!! I miss you, can't wait for the summer! MUAH
ReplyDeleteMeliss,
ReplyDeleteI hear ya girl! I share so many of your same guilts. I will tell you I do feel so much better about myself for sure when I can take 1 hour after work to let all the stresses of the day/week go and workout at the gym. It clears my mind and makes me feel SO much better. I know its hard right now cause you are so far from home when you are at work. Its was hard for me too when Bailey was Ian's age. I rushed home right away to spend time with Bailey cause I felt that guilt. I will tell ya, it gets easier as they get older. We will talk more on Saturday over dinner and a few drinks! Love ya girl, hang in there!!!