Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Guilt turned Grateful.............

I am grateful for being a mother, for a bright, happy little boy who amazes me everyday.

I am grateful for invites to girls nights, potlucks, and most especially happy hours.

I am grateful for fried pickle spears and ranch dressing, to lawn sprinklers, and linguine. To fireflies, big lake placid skies with stars, and people who admit their vulnerabilities. Driving with the top down at night. Cotton so soft it feels like silk. Stain proofing warranties.

I am grateful for my health, for knowing what my gifts are and what I was put on this earth to do, for the friendships that feel like family, for Monroe's pink toes, for Egyptian cotton.

I am grateful for the blessings I've received and the strength and courage I have to keep myself open to receiving them, for pies, for wrap-around porches with rocking chairs and sweet southern tea.

I am grateful for the support I get daily from strangers around the world, for panera sandwiches, and for smartbalance.

I am grateful for Danny, his ability to make me laugh, think, and cry every day, for how he's always there when I need him most.

I am grateful for my sister's laugh and how loving and needy she is, for our history together, clawing up the stairs of our house, for her heart and her health.

I am grateful for Starbucks gingerbread lattes and iced caramel macchiatos, for the wisdom I've gained from my family, for the closeness I have with them, for their health and happiness.

I am grateful for the ever growing relationship Dan and I have with Dale and Amanda, our comfort level with them, all many advendtures.

I am grateful for the clarity I have about the direction of my life, knowing what my passions are, for lacy bras and clean underwear.

I am grateful for Krista and her ability to calm me, for her loyalty.

I am grateful for Jessica's perspective, heart, and unrelenting love and support, for her giggle and love of me, for our Dorito's Binges,for the way she quotes me in my Melissisms.

I am grateful for Amanda, for always feeling like sweats and flip flops is a night on the town.

I am grateful for Georgia even my little town of Villa Rica.

I am grateful for my education, for grilled cheese sandwiches, for the strength I have to be honest.

I am grateful for leftovers and delivery, for the strength I've found in the most lonesome, frightening, places, for the shelter, for having the dedication to follow my dreams in the face of negativity.

I am grateful for being taught I can do anything I set my mind to.

I am grateful for my hands, for my ability to communicate, for air conditioning and movie theaters.

I am grateful for Elysha and how alike we are, how we think the same way, and finish one another's sentences.

I am grateful for lamp-lit snow, salty hamptons streets, and the new friendships I make in yellow summer days.

I am grateful for wine vineyards, the ability to travel, for free will and the love I have in my life.

I am grateful for my childhood, for my adolescence, for my now.

I am so grateful for my ability to honor and trust my intuition.

I am grateful for a family that forces me to get up and dance in the face of tragedy.

I am grateful for my ability to cook, to speak my mind, for strangers who smile at me.

I am grateful for the heartfelt emails from old friends who tell me I make a difference in their lives, for my beaba baby food processor and mixer, for my knives and Paula dean Frying Pan.

I am grateful for the Paddington Bear on my desk, and for the person who sent him.

I am grateful for barefoot beach barbecues, campfires and flashlights, bug spray, and old friends who can always pick up where we left off.

I am grateful for movie theatre popcorn, lobster bibs, and the ocean. For the people who defend this country.

I am grateful for the family that chose me, and the family that got me.

I am grateful for being recognized for my gifts, for my heart, for my love.

I am grateful I was born a woman in the US.

I am grateful for the kindness of strangers, for my ability to feel emotions so strongly (the good and the bad), for knowing how to learn from my mistakes.

I am grateful for my job, the privileges I was born with, and the strengths I inherited.

I am so grateful for my ability to laugh in the face of tears, to love openly, and to live with kindness as my motivation.

I am grateful to those who have made room for me in their lives.

I am grateful for the love I've been shown in my life, in my days, in all my moments.

I am grateful that there’s still so much out there that excites me, that there’s so much still to learn. That I have the ability to make small choices every day that can change my life forever. I’m grateful that I know my power, and am relieved that I at least know how absurd people sound who say things like, "I’m grateful that I know my power." Mostly, I’m grateful for the people who can read a list of "gratefuls" without mentioning how often I’m grateful for food. Mmm, frozen bananas dipped in chocolate.

Wow, that is a lot to be grateful for...better not ever bring me home for Thanksgiving....we would never get to eat!

Letting go of Guilt....

Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes —accurately or not— that they have violated a moral standard, and bear sole responsibility for that violation.[1] It is closely related to the concept of remorse.

I have been feeling this a lot lately. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and its crushing me. My mind won't stop and I really want it to. Then I think maybe, if I put my feelings out there and get it off my chest, I'll feel better. I want to focus on the things I have to be thankful for. And I have so much to be thankful for! Here it goes:

I feel guilty for leaving Ian 5 days a week.
I feel guilty for having a college degree (an expensive one, that I will pay for every month even after Ian is in college) and wanting to stay home and raise children.
I feel guilty for wishing Dan made more money so that I could stay home.
I feel guilty spending any money on myself when I know we as a family are trying to keep ends meet.
I feel guilty for watching TV after Ian goes to bed and not cleaning or working out.
I feel guilty for realizing that I would probably miss working, if in fact I did stay home.
I feel guilty for not being a better wife.I feel guilty for not loving my "after baby body", so that I can be a better wife.
I feel guilty for always focusing on what Dan didn't do, instead of what he did do.
I feel guilty for not being a better friend.
I feel guilty for being so, so very tired. I am exhausted - emotionally and physically.
I feel guilty for feeling guilty.
I feel guilty for wanting more.
I feel guilty for sleeping on Sundays, instead of taking my family to church.
I feel guilty for bearing so much weight, but not being able to let Dan share in my burden.
I feel guilty for feeling burdened by my household roles.I feel guilty for for posting this.
I feel guilty for not just being thankful.

There I said it, and you know sometimes it does feel good to get it off your chest!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

3 Months Old!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Holy cow - I CANNOT believe Ian turned 3 months old yesterday! He is getting so big , Dan and I can't imagine what our lives were like before he graced us with his presence. We must have been so bored! At three months, Ian:

*Still hates tummy time, but it's getting better.
*Is a kicking fool - loves to kick his ducky in the bath!
*Might be the world's best behaved baby - whenever we take him out to eat and our sweet Ian sits quietly, wide awake, or asleep, in his carrier through the whole dinner!
*Is such a good sleeper!
*Is so happy. We couldn't have asked for a sweeter baby.
*Drools like no one's business. We have to change his outfits (and ours too) numerous times each day.

*Knows when he is hungry and does a little scream if not given his milk pronto!
*Has started to suck his fist - and pull on his tongue. ( No idea why, he is a goof!)

*Can support his weight and stand if we're helping him. He's gotten so good at going from a laying down position (on his back) to standing straight up.. just by us pulling him up by his arms.
*Can reach for and grab onto toys!
*"Talks" to us all the time - it's the sweetest sound I've ever heard!

Happy 3 Months, Ian!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Ian's First Snow!!!

In Georgia, the possibility of snow will shut down the state. This Friday it was forecast 100%. So, you can imagine the excitement (and the craziness on the milk and bread isle) when here in Atlanta, we actually got about 3 inches! It was so pretty!

Ian's 3 month stats!!!

What a growing boy we have on our hands!!!! I am unsure of his percentile ranks because I had to measure these on my own, his next well visit is in March at his 4 month appointment!

Weight: 14lb 9oz
Length: 24 inches
Head Circumference: 16 inches

Monday, February 1, 2010

Could he BE any cuter?

Ian has invented a new sport, "Duck Soccer"....................