Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Dear C, and Mean drunk

I'm not an affectionate drunk but a hostile one. It begins sweet and loving then corners demanding throughout the night. I'm a demanding drunk. Tell me you love me. Let me show you how I love you. It's too in your face. And shit, sometimes I just cry. But mostly, I've never been called a bad drunk, have never hurt anyone, except myself once in a bad skipping accident which landed me in the emergency room. I received a text message today from a male friend, at 9:10 am, asking, "What does it mean when a girlfriend is nicest to you when she is drunk? Would appreciate your honest opinion." Well now. I'd pull up my sleeves and take this on, thriving, as I do, over relationship questions.

Before I share my advice, give him yours because he needs it. Oh, and I know as much about them as you do. Nothing.

Not that I need to, now that the boy has gotten an earful, but as promised, here was my take on it--it's along the lines of what everyone else has said:

It means she pretty much sucks the rest of the time, so keep her liquored up. Well, it's never that simple, or we never let it be, but that's essentially what you're saying. That really, you don't like how she treats you while she's sober. Maybe it's her guard, insecurity, but whatever the reason and whatever we analyze it to be, it doesn't change the fact that you prefer her when she's drunk, because it's then that she's actually nice. That should tell you a little something about how you feel about her.

Too often in relationships we tend to focus on analyzing the other person's behavior, trying to decode their everything. So much so that we sometimes neglect focusing on how we feel, independent on how they feel for us. It's a fear, maybe, of being more vulnerable. Now maybe, as sad as this is, maybe she just feels lonesome and sad for herself when she'd drunk, so she needs more, gives more to get more, using alcohol and you as a crutch, a stand-in to make her feel upright and good about herself. But that might be a little too much analyzing, even for me. The key here is, I imagine your asking has very little to do with her feelings for you and more to do with how alcohol affects her temperament. And as I've stated, how you feel about her. So it says more about you, as does asking the advice of me, instead of just speaking with her outright about all of it. But perhaps that's a lesson for another time.

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