Saturday, June 28, 2008

Growing grow together.

I am very close with my family. So, Monday, I am flying home for some bonding. Only my sister and I can bond on a level unexplainable. I can't wait. I love her children more than all of the grilled cheese on wheat (my favorite food) on God's great earth so I am stoked to say the least. Recently my sisters family has been going through some though situations. Since I am on summer break I have decided to go home for a few weeks to lend my hand, heart, patience, and shoulder to her. It's funny growing up we went through these stages...first when she was born I hated her! Who was this alien looking creature here to take over my parents attention? But soon as she grew, she grew on me and I loved helping take of her. Then as we went through elementary school she was my best friend. We did everything together, had to have the same colors of everything. If I ordered chicken fingers with a baked potato and salad with Ranch dressing, she ordered the same. If I wanted mint chocolate chip ice cream, so did she. If I wore braids in my hair, She wanted to wear braids in hers. To sidestep my copy-cat ways (or perhaps just to be mean), I would often insist that she order her meal in the restaurant first. Or, I would order something, she would order the same and I would then change my mind and order something else.
Like most older siblings, I could be cruel. When we got to high school we were totally opposites. I was the preppy athlete, she was the sloppy skater wanna be. We Clashed!! I would ignore her in the hallways all the time, she would yell, "Hey SIS!", I hated her. I wish she would just go away and never come back again. I was so embarrassed by her. Maybe I was this way because she always looked up to me, and I liked that. My own sister made me feel so special and popular. What I realize now is that we had to become our own people, and grow apart to again grew back together.
Anyway, the day I left for college she rode in my car with me, and we followed my parents. I had no idea what I was going to talk to her about for 2 and half hours. I hated her. She hated me. But something crazy happened in that car ride. I don't quite remember what or how it started, but we just started talking, and singing and laughing. God works in mysterious ways! As we arrived on campus she said, "I hope your ready for this!", and I replied, "Bring it on!"....we unpacked and then went to eat. Most awkward meal of my life. My dad was crying, my mom was quite and not really eating, my sister and I just staring at each other, knowing we were both thinking just say something! The meal ended and I was left alone. I started praying for all the obvious things a 18 year old would pray for in a new place knowing no one. A few hour later the phone sister. I was so relived! From that day on we talked everyday, sometimes 3 times. Again we needed space to grow apart, to grow together!
She is my best friend. She has always been there for me even when I treated her like my greatest nemesis. Unlike my sister, I have a stubborn grip on optimism and the belief that, if you are nice to people, they will treat you in kind. My sister is more of a realist and, as a result, tends to get hurt a lot less than me. This brings me to the only reason I am dreading our visit. The reasons I am going there run deep, and I will remain them to her privacy. But our conversations will run deep, and I may get frustrated and hurt. I ask god for the strength to see her side, and understand what she has been going through for the past 8 years, and in turn give her the strength and enlightenment that she needs, and is seeking from me.
So, as much as I want and need to spend time with my sister and let her be with someone who loves her unconditionally and makes her laugh like nobody's business, I am afraid. I want so badly to tell her how I have been feeling because I know that she, more than anyone else in this world, wants me to guide her. At the same time, however, I know my sister will not sugar coat the situation and any guidance I provide may get burnt in her burning fire.
Bottom Line goes without saying.....I have been graduated from college for 5 years now, and moved away from home for 5 years now. We were growing apart only by distance, and growing together by sisterhood, age, and wisdom. So let growing apart, let us grow together on this visit home. Love you sister!

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